SEWjourner

Gaining Ground over Unfairness and Comparisons

2008-12-29T19:54:00.000-08:00

Recently I've begun to realize a huge unfairness that abides in my workplace. There are a number of my fellow-employees who spend most of their time on their cell phones in private conversation or playing video games or filling out their Facebook profiles, while I spend my day doing my job, which takes an entire day to do. Admittedly, I was more tired than usual today, but I came home in tears. It's hard to take, and it all seems so unfair. It was all I could think about this whole evening.

I know better than to try to change other people. For my own sake I really needed to get a handle on this or else I'm going to end up quitting the best job I ever had at a time when good jobs are not so easy to come by.

In my previous life (a couple of years ago) I would have called a Christian Science Practitioner to talk it over with and perhaps pray with, but that was back when I didn't have confidence to think for myself. Now it's time to and come up with those much-needed successful solutions on my own. And thankfully there are a lot of intelligent people out there who have some wise things to say. And I found them, not by praying, but by Googling them. (Maybe Googling in the new prayer.) Actually, I Googled the question, "How do I deal with Unfairness?" and found several good articles that helped me immensely (I posted them below).

The first is a very brief interview about two regions of a brain and their activities when its owner reacts to unfairness in negative or positive ways. The second piece is about proactive ways of dealing with unfairness. Together, these articles gave me some good ideas to get out of this rut and get on with my life.

It occurs to me that my feelings of unfairness are directly related to my previous susceptibility to religion, belief in God, emotional need for prayer and calling on a Christian Science Practitioner for help often. My current problem with unfairness is that of weakness, lack of confidence and control over my life, same as I felt all those years of religiosity. What an eye-opener!

My tearful homecoming tonight was a remnant of years of feeling subservient to the whole religious life I used to lead and everyone I came into contact with. But now I think I get it. I need to bring more proactivity to my job and confidence in my own numerable abilities, same as I do to my life. I'm not waiting around for God to tell me what to do anymore. I am doing a great job at work and my boss knows it, so why am I comparing myself with my peers? I need to keep up my good work in spite of what my co-workers do; look for ways of doing even better; and don't feel sorry for myself. It's a waist of my precious work time and threatens my otherwise happy career. Now I just have to remember all this tomorrow, and act accordingly. Proactively.

Hope these is helpful to you.

How the Brain Helps Us Deal with Unfairness

2008-12-15

Narrator: If you were offered five dollars out of twenty-five dollars, would you find that unfair? This is Science Today. Matthew Lieberman, an associate professor of psychology at UCLA used functional magnetic resonance imaging, or fMRI, to see what goes on inside the brain when we interpret unfairness.

Lieberman: And we saw something very interesting here. On the one hand, we saw sometimes people showed greater activity in that insult region of the brain, the anterior insula, and when they did, they tended to reject those offers. But there were some folks who had a tendency to accept those unfair but desirable offers and when that happened, we instead saw a region of the prefrontal cortex that was more active and to the extent that it was, we saw that potential insult response diminish. So, what we see here is people engaging in some kind of self-control, it appears, so that they can take the long-term good, which is the money, and allow themselves to be OK with the psychological insult that they've received.

Narrator: For Science Today, I'm Larissa Branin.

http://www.ucop.edu/sciencetoday/article/19177
Science Today - at the University of California

and

How Responsibility Transcends the "Life is Unfair" Attitude
2007-08-27

How do you deal with "unfair" situations? How do you feel if someone receives something better for doing less work than you? Is it right that you sometimes end up worse off than someone else even though you have better intentions?

When you say that something is unfair it implies that what happens to you is outside of your control. One of the main things I believe self-improvement is about is learning to take more responsibility and control for your life and destiny. The problem with claiming that something is unfair is that is has the complete opposite effect. Even if there are rare instances where you have absolutely no control over your current situation maintaining this attitude in the long term will cause you to relinquish control of your life.

So how can you deal with seemingly unfair situations?

You do everything in your power to try and get what you want. Let's say, for example, you apply for a job and someone who is less qualified than you gets it. This is a situation that you could potentially view as unfair. A good way to react to this situation is to continue to assume responsibility and try different means of getting the job. For example, you could continue to write to the employer expressing your belief of your suitability, you could offer unpaid internship to prove yourself, you could request feedback from interview and improve on the things where they thought you were weak, etc.

From the above example you can see that as long as you continue to assume responsibility there will always be more ways in which to act. Deciding that something is unfair is similar to accepting defeat, because you are saying to yourself that it is no longer up to you to get what you want.

I do, however, believe there are situations when it can be helpful to claim unfairness. It can be helpful to claim unfairness if it will cause you to get the result you want while remaining in line with your values. For example, if you are unfairly descriminated against in a job interview then I believe you can claim unfairness to the government, because this could help you get the job you want.

There are different ways in which the term unfair can be used. I want to be clear that I strongly believe it should be avoided when it becomes an attitude you have that causes you to give up control and responsibility. In my last example using unfairness is acceptable, because it is used to your advantage and you are still taking control of the situation.

Giving up the "life is unfair" attitude is another step you can take to accepting more responsibility for your life.

http://theresourcefulmind.blogspot.com/2007/08/how-responsibility-transcends-life-is.html
The Resourceful Mind

Holiday thoughts from Paula Poundstone

2008-11-28T12:46:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving Is Not Just A Dead Bird

by Paula Poundstone

NPR.org, November 26, 2008 · I don't need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music and laughter. But I'd like to take this time to take the path of thanks less traveled.

Taking the long view, I'm thankful that we're no longer hunter-gatherers, which has certainly freed up some time.

I am grateful that the election is over, and we don't have to watch another debate. I tend to agree with the last person who spoke anyway, and the candidates were running out of debate formats. They had already done one standing up, sitting down and some kind of free-range chicken type thing. Only the Sleep Number bed format was left.

I'm thankful for the 3-ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.

I'm thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going.

I'm thankful for Sarah Palin's vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California.

I'm thankful that no known harm can come to me if gays marry.

I'm thankful that I never trash-talked the American Men's Freestyle Relay Team before racing them.

I'm thankful that I've never eaten a sub-prime steak.

I'm thankful that I went broke before the stock market went bad.

I'm thankful for the election of Barack Obama and even more thankful that I wasn't standing in front of any talk-show hosts during his acceptance speech.

I'm thankful that I'm old enough not to be judged by my ring tone.

I'm thankful that I live in the country that caused the world economic crisis, so that I don't have to be just a victim,

I'm thankful that I've never talked to Dr. Phil.

I'm thankful that I'm not tech-savvy, so that if I get elected president, I don't have to wean myself from any electronic gadgets. When I first heard that Obama had to give up his BlackBerry, I couldn't understand how a little fruit could compromise our national security.

I'm thankful that I don't have to housebreak my puppy in the Blue Room of the White House.

I am thankful that I am not just plain stupid enough to fly in my private jet to a meeting with a congressional committee to ask for taxpayer money for my company, which is not doing well at all, though I am certain that it is no fault of mine. And I am grateful beyond measure that I don't work for such a boob.

I am thankful that President William Henry Harrison died of pneumonia after giving a lengthy inaugural speech, which inspired subsequent presidents to keep it tight.

I'm thankful that, when I dropped a tool bag, I wasn't in space.

And, yes, I am thankful for my children, and for the sun and the moon, but mostly, I am deeply grateful that we are not in charge of when or whether they shine, because if we were, surely they would need a bailout.

Paula Poundstone is a standup comic and writer. You can reach Paula at her Web site: www.paulapoundstone.com.

Letter to a friend

2008-02-01T11:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Merideth,
Thanks for being in touch. I miss getting together for Association. Hope all is well with you.

Here's a little update on me. I pulled my membership from the Mother Church shortly after they dissolved our association. Mario and I have continued our discussions about everything under the sun as we always have. TMC's unjust action gave Mario (and now me) an opportunity to rethink the whole Christian Science issue, even to the existence of God.

I've come to the conclusion that the atheists are right. There is no God and never was. Starting back when everybody bowed down to gods of the old testament, the enlightened ones found they could reject gods when they got better informed. Now I find I can reject the present day one called God, on the same basis.

CS was such a family thing for me my whole life. During class I became aware that much of what I "knew" of CS was really a cultural thing based on the ways my family practiced CS. And much of what I "knew" was wrong. Thankfully Mario's CS teaching was good teaching based on CS premises. It cleared things up considerably. But like the old testament learners, eventually, better information makes us rethink what we "knew" to be the truth.

It just never occurred to me to question if the CS premises themselves were correct. Mrs. Eddy was very logical, but her basis of CS, her God premises were wrong. (Of course, if she'd discovered atheism instead of CS, in her day and in New England, she would have been burned as a witch and we'd never have heard of her, but that's beside the point.)

It occurs to me that the CS periodicals don't ask for enough scientific proof of healing (or even the nature of our physical problems to begin with.) CS is certainly head and shoulders above medicine previously available, that's for sure. But medicine has come a long way since the 1870's.

A sad state of affairs for Christian Scientists is that most CStists don't know themselves; they don't know what their conditions are (or even if they have conditions) and unwittingly make themselves worse off than necessary by not knowing themselves. Look at the little boy Mario's trial was all about. All of them prayed honestly and with every fiber of their beings, but had they actually known what the condition was in the early stages, he might have been saved by a little medical intervention. No one involved voiced a willingness to look into the medical possibilities at the time. Sadly they all learned that lesson too late.

It makes me wonder how many members of "spiritual healing" churches have died needlessly through the years due to their pious refusal for medical intervention.

There is nothing wrong with a little medical intervention from time to time. Look at the number of older CStists who have had hip replacements. And why shouldn't they? It prolongs their useful lives. Many are managing their diabetes with insulin too. And they should.

In other cases, much of what is "spiritually healed" might well get better on its own. I didn't get a professional opinion ever. What if what I thought was a stroke, wasn't? I know it was bad, but what was it? If it wasn't a stroke, I shouldn't have called it one. So how do I "know" I was healed of a stroke? And how do I know CS or God was what made it get better? Maybe it was just that in the act of praying, I stopped being fearful about it, relaxed, and the natural bodily recuperative abilities took over.

Would I have come to God conclusions if I had to discover these things for myself today? Don't think so. I started believing in God because my family had believed it and I thought they must be right. Now that I'm an adult, I think it will be better for me to do my own discovering and reading. Also, I couldn't help noticing that everyone in my family has now had surgeries of various kinds and is on medication of one sort or another. Every one of them! It makes no sense to staunchly believe what they taught me 50 plus years ago in light of new evidence.

I think we are too quick to accredit God with all the things that happen. We need to give ourselves more credit or blame for what goes on in our lives; take responsibility for ourselves, and get on with working on the fixes that are needed. Medical, emotional, psychological and moral.

The still small voice in our heads turns out to be our own. That's not such a bad thing. For me, that discovery has been quite liberating. I've stopped waiting endlessly for "God" to tell me what to do. I feel a little stronger now. More able to think things through and find good solutions for myself.

So glad to hear from you, Merideth. Keep in touch.

Love,
Susan

Just speculation

2007-08-06T23:40:00.000-07:00

Question: “Sew, what did you mean when you said that you no longer "subscribe to your life-long belief in God"?

Sounds odd, doesn’t it? And it was a bigger surprise to me than it is to you. Here I was a life-long-, even 5th generation-Christian Scientist. Never tried to be anything else. Didn’t want to. Tried to be loving to the practitioners of all faiths, but never had any great love for atheism or atheists. I didn’t quite want to trust anyone who doesn’t believe in God. Never wanted to be part of that at all.

But I got to thinking about it and most people have some kind of religion though they are all different, and they all believe that their religion was given to them by God and is the best one. This has given license to hate and kill thousands of adherents to rival religions in the name of God through the centuries. Then I look at Christian Science even and the huge pendulum swings the church takes—from progressive to fundamentalist over and over again. Why is that? It occurred to me that the sacred head of the most logical (and what I’d believed was the most truthful and real) religion there is, is being steered by mere human beings (no doubt doing what they feel they are being divinely lead to do) but humans just the same. God is not really at the helm of the Mother Church. Hmmm. How puzzling.

I look at 9-11, Katrina, a zillion catastrophes through history, including just a few days ago the I-35W bridge in Minneapolis collapse dropping a bunch of cars and their occupants into the Mississippi river and I wonder, God must not have the power to stop terrible things from happening even though tons of people pray. The power of God works in dealing with the clean up after things happen better than keeping stuff from happening in the first place. Lots of good will, generosity, helping hands come from all directions to help out and clean up the mess, and all of those hands are human, not divine. If God is omnipotent and loves us, surely He could stop some of this.

Or—maybe God is just a figment of our deep desire for good things to happen even in the midst of all the bad, and that desire just motivates the human beings to do heroic things that seem miraculous and encourages the human healing processes. I don't know.

Now I’m still grateful for all the good I’ve received from healings I had with the support of Christian Science practitioners. A huge part of the practitioner’s compassionate work is in calming their patients and eliminating their fears. As we know, fear is the major factor of any illness, injury or accident. It’s toxic. Mrs. Eddy knew its danger and advised us to fight fear first. After the negative influence of fear is gone the rest of the healing is easy, or at least easier. The body’s natural recuperative ability can then work to take care of the rest. I used to attribute that healing to God, but now I don’t think so.

As you may know, last year (2006) my teacher Mario started his sabbatical from teaching to do some reading and personal study. Eventually (about September) I asked him what he’d been reading and learning. He was very reluctant to talk about it with me (in retrospect I see that he was trying hard to protect me and the association while he was still sorting out for himself what he’d been learning), but after a while I became insistent to know and eventually he gave in and told me.

If you know him, you know he’s inquisitive. Explores everything and works very hard to get at the truth. Those of you who've worked with him know he has the uncanny ability to cut straight through the bullshit in any situation by challenging common assumptions everybody makes. I guess it was only a matter of time before he did just that about religion and God. He told me he had been reading some books by atheists among others.

I asked him if it was to find out what atheists think. “No,” he said. “To find out what I think.” Now to me, that’s a pretty gutsy and intelligent thing to do (if you dare!) to read books that are basically anti-what you believe in order to sort out whether what you believe really holds water. He said he felt it was worth his time exploring this, so I asked him to send me some info.

He forwarded an article from the Atlantic Monthly (December 2005) “Is God an Accident?” It explains that “human beings come into the world with a predisposition to believe in supernatural phenomena." Scientists came to this conclusion after doing extensive experiments on the behavior of infants. (Supernatural phenomena meaning spiritual stuff.) This relates to our ability to think of ourselves in a dual way--seeing our bodies as one thing and our minds as something connected but separate. We can see ourselves from both perspectives, both spiritual and material. So the article is saying that our ability to think this way is really hardwired and part of our nature as human beings, not just something we were educated into believing in churches or growing up at home. (Later I read Daniel Dennett’s Breaking the Spell which goes farther about how this duality is integral in man’s invention of religions. More about that in a minute.)

Funny though it may sound, besides reading about atheism, I found that some of the connections Mrs. Eddy made helped me take another step toward embracing atheism, and without this connection I couldn’t have understood or accepted non-theism, the antithesis of what Eddy believed. She felt that the ills of the body are created by the human mind ("mortal mind"). Fear, worry, anxiety, stress are bad for you and cause illnesses, etc. The mind-body connection is real and powerful. She felt that mortal mind thought up the body and all its conditions as well as its various weird concepts of the nature of God—that God’s anthropomorphic or whatever we think it may be.

Along this line of reasoning, she might well have come to the next conclusion (though she didn’t, or never voiced it if she did) that mortal mind thought up that there is a God at all. Mortal mind is capable of all this other creative thinking, why not this? Maybe God is not a being at all, but a figment of our deep longings for security and the parental comfort we experienced as infants and young children. Mom or Dad would wipe away our tears and give us hope that there will be a happy ending after all. The concept of God is an unseen Mom/Dad that makes us feel the same way. But alas God is unseen, and unreal. Not capable of being a mom or dad at all.

Dennett talks about anthropological evidence of the origins of religions. The death of a loved one, for instance, is so painful that at some point in our development as humans, way back when we were discovering language and community, we began to think of humans at the moment of death as being or becoming spiritual beings that live on and on after they die. This belief subsequently made the pain experienced by their loved ones left behind easier to deal with.

As in my case, if my husband didn’t really stop existing the day he died (May 15, 1995) but continues living as a spiritual being and is still out there somewhere getting on with his life, happy and all right somehow, that concept is easier for me to live with (and that is how I dealt with his death these past 12 years.) Back in history when people began to find an escape from this type of pain in this way, this was the origin of religions, the belief in angels, life beyond the grave, and other spiritual beings (what is called "the supernatural"). And this includes the origin of our concept that there is a God at all—an overarching spiritual being who created everything and is ultimately in charge. A heavenly perfect father-figure. Complete with a whole wish list of abilities longer than superman’s, but without any real abilities at all.

When that clicked for me, I realized that I had been using the concept of God as, well yes, as Life, Truth, and Love as used in Christian Science, but also as a kind of an imaginary friend riding with me in the car or at home or work, for my whole life. While human life, truth and love are elements of life itself, maybe God as a being was just in my religiously-educated imagination. Even Mrs. Eddy didn’t know for sure what happens beyond the grave, but could only speculate based on what she’d witnessed on this side of death.

Speaking for myself, I'm speculating about all this too. I can’t prove that God exists. I can’t prove that He doesn’t. But from what I’ve read and discussed with friends, I’m more inclined now to believe that there isn’t really a God although I always thought so and the concept of God has been a huge part of my whole life (even on my way to becoming a prison chaplain), until the last 10 months or so. But to make myself better understood, know that I am not now calling myself an agnostic. I may not be able to prove it, but I definitely do not now believe in a God.

Moving from a strong religious belief to non-theism (what used to be called atheism) was quite a jump for me and rather quick after I started thinking about it. And I thought I would be upset changing my perception of what my husband’s present experience must be after death through this new lens, but amazingly I’m not. Allen was a great guy and huge part of our lives and love. He lived a pretty nice life and was well loved by all who knew him (especially our son and me). And that's enough. Only he knows what he’s doing now, if anything at all. Any seeming authoritarian statement about it, from a religious perspective or any other, can only be speculation based on our imaginations and our wish lists.

For a very short time after leaving CS (yes I have withdrawn my membership in TMC), I explored Buddhism. The Buddhists strive for enlightenment. But I found that it was only a soft cushion to land on (in the lotus position—ouch!) after taking my quantum leap out of religious faith, but I couldn't stay there long. I see now that Buddhism isn't anything more than another religion with another God-goal waiting at the far end of a white fog of spirituality (even though Buddhists themselves haven't quite noticed that).

But yes, I have started trusting some people who don't believe in a God. At least they are not deluding themselves or claiming miraculous healings that may or may not be able to be proven. Nor are they beating themselves up when some healings still haven't happened after tons of honest, heat-felt prayer and study on their parts or the parts of honest heart-felt practitioners. Stop beating yourselves up. It's not your fault. To put it in a kind of strange way, you were just trained to bark up the wrong tree.

I speculate that the most enlightened I will ever be is knowing that I will never be able to prove anything, but at least I'm smart enough not to go back to barking up that same old tree.

Thankfully, I'm still here

2007-07-18T23:22:00.000-07:00

I’ve long neglected my blog due to a move, then another move, then another move, then 3 other jobs, now this new job with a very busy schedule. But I decided I have something worth sharing now. A lot has happened since my last entry here and many, many of my perspectives have totally changed too. I’m not going to try to catch you up on all that’s happened in my life. I guess we’ll just have to fast-forward to now. Maybe someday I’ll take time try to fill in the gaps. Or maybe not.

Today’s blog has to do with 3 issues relevant to me today.

Death

Health Insurance

My current employment

I read Daniel Dennett’s Breaking the Spell a while ago. (BTW, he did a good job. The spell for me has now been utterly shattered and I'm better for it.) He points out that our common awareness of death is what gives us our desire for the emotional out that religion and the arts give us. We need that out because life is hard, but dealing with the death of loved ones is the pits. Religion and the arts help us cope with what we really can’t change.

Intellectually I got that, but I guess I didn't really grasp the necessity for an awareness of death for myself (having spent my life deluding myself that there is a whole other world and life after it) until a few months ago. One night, after I'd gone to bed, my heart started racing like it would jump right out of my chest, without any overexertion on my part. This has happened several times over the years, but this time it just kept it up. After a few minutes it calmed down, and later it started up again. This went on several times over about an hour or so. The next day I was fine, and it hasn't been a problem since, but it scared me.

Without health insurance (or money) I couldn't afford to go anywhere to get checked out. (BTW, I just saw Michael Moore’s SICKO movie and have a whole new perspective on that. Go see it. YOU’LL have a whole new perspective too.) Anyway health insurance was not my intended subject for this blog, but since I brought it up, you should know that the best I could do at the time was just to stay calm, meditate, and hang on. Thankfully I survived and as a result you have this nice blog to read.

(BTW, I WAS able to get checked out a few weeks later, only because I had been volunteering for a cardiac research program for some years. They already had a history on me and were able to do some tests, so they could assure me with confidence that it was stress-related and not something more serious, and probably due to my being in between jobs at the time. That made sense to me and I’m glad to have an explanation. But as I said, at the time, it scared me and there was little I could do about it.)

Anyway, it kind of brought into focus what Dennett was saying in his book. Not that my life flashed before my eyes and I started praying or painting or anything like that, but it did leave an impression. And I begin to understand where he’s coming from.

And this experience helped me come to a totally different decision about my employment. I decided not to go back to selling major appliances at Sears (although I had enjoyed that). Instead, I decided to get a job having fun.

I happened to go bowling one day. I signed up for a bowling class and asked if they were hiring. Next thing I knew I'm now their Youth Director. I'm visiting schools and encouraging kids to sign up for bowling class and junior leagues, and I’m coaching. And the best part is that I get to bowl! And in fact, they WANT me to bowl and get good so I'll be a good example for the kiddos.

AND the work is full time without the uncertainty of commission work. Oh, yea, and a lot less stressful. YaY!!

I'm glad all of these subjects came up, and I came to the realization that our days are limited, and we need to cherish the time we have, and do something valuable and fun in the mean time. Also we need to get this health insurance business worked out in the United States. People are dying everyday because our health care system is so lousy. And I might well have been one of them.

So, if your HMO is letting you down and you’ve already written to your congressman and don't know what else to do, I suggest you get a job that is a little less stressful doing something you love. We really have no idea how long we’ll be around to enjoy the good times.

Serenity in a music store

2006-09-27T23:19:00.000-07:00

Hey, EVERYBODY! I got a JOB!!

I'm now working in a music store. I didn't want a desk job. I love music. I'm in Heaven!

My days are spent helping people find just the right sheet music and instruction books, and renting musical instruments. And for the most part the customers are relaxed and happy. Working here feels more like play than work.

Well... almost heaven. There's a catch. The store seems stuck in the past. And I'm beginning to wonder if this is the theme of this store and its employees. I'm surrounded by individuals who are displaying various aspects of being stuck. One employee in my department is very set in his ways of displaying merchandise and telling his co-workers how to do their jobs, though he is not our supervisor. Another co-worker is mentally "stuck" in the memory of a bad personal experience she had years ago, and can't quite move past it. And from the owner on down, no one here likes the thought of computerizing or updating the technology around here.

Consequently, I find that I'm stuck. If I'm not willing to learn their non-technological ways, I'll be of no use here.

Ironically, I also got stuck (while using my computer) this morning, when after spending until 2:00 am last night writing this article, and then somehow losing it and basically having to start over from scratch this morning.

But now that I think about it, this comes on the heels of yet another personal technological "stuckness" I have had over the past two weeks. I had a digital audio recording to do and needed to send it to a friend. The recording went fine, but the sending it to my friend didn't work at all no matter how many ways I tried. Again I was just stuck. This is the pits! Something's got to change.

I was surprised to hear a large number of people praying in unison in the private back room of the music store one evening recently:

"God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference."

It was unexpected, but pleasing to find this aspect of the store. No one told me that they hold AA meetings there. This is a great service to the community. Their prayer was very relevant to everyone, including me.

What can I change about this store, the attitudes of its employees or its owners? Maybe nothing. I can't make people adopt my point of view if they're not receptive. I can't expect a 30-year old store to change its methods overnight just because a newcomer says so.

I've totally lost the first draft of this article and am wasting time continuing to look for it. And I can't make my old laptop in combination with snail-mail paced dial-up do what it just can't do. Give it up! Get something new.

So what CAN I change? My thinking -- about this store, its employees, my department, technology and my recording project. That's basically everything.

So let's begin.

Mentally, I've been criticizing my new co-workers and stereotyping them. I've been feeling a bit superior about my love for computers and the Internet, and feeling that those who don't also have a love of them are inferior. Also I've been irritated by some of their idiosyncrasies and insistence on doing things in certain ways. But isn't this exactly what I've been doing? (This is a classic instance of the pot calling the kettle black!)

But now that I see what I've been doing, I can stop. While we may not agree on many things, we DO have something fundamental in common. We are all ideas created by the divine Mind that thought up the whole universe, including us. That is our common ground. We have that Mind in common. It's our source and we are connected by and through it. That means we are family. And that implies brotherly love and unbreakable spiritual connection.

Since having this change of my thought and beginning to see my co-workers as spiritual family, my last conversation with one co-worker I disagreed with before, was much more cordial. We both tried harder to see the other's point of view. I may never convince these people that computers are the best way to do business in this store, but we can at least get along and do business together without strife. Even lovingly.

Also I had been insistent that my old laptop is the only way I could get this recording project done. But since I began to rethink this, I see that there is newer technology out there that I could be using and I really need to give it a try. It might take a little time, but I can learn what I need in order to get the job done.

Even a pesky problem with a few days of physical constipation (which I didn't mention) has cleared up completely.

And as you can see, I got on with rewriting my article.

I gained some serenity by realizing the difference between the things I can't change and the things I can. I can get a lot more done by changing my thinking.

A shred of hope

2006-08-24T00:54:00.000-07:00

Dang! This shredder was about to shred my income instead of the documents I was hired to destroy. I was halfway through when it started shaking and making noises like a cement mixer.

It didn’t seem to be an ordinary jam - I’m always very careful not to overload it. I looked at the casing and it was tightly sealed all around. I couldn’t get it open and didn’t want to break it. I was totally stymied.

So I did what I usually do when I get jammed: I set it aside and prayed. I asked Spirit, to help me see the next doable step.

The next day I decided to try to pry it open again. After about an hour wrestling with it, I finally got it open. I disassembled the mechanism and found a loose staple, which probably was the culprit. But I also found one of the gears was stripped. It was completely worn out.

At first I found myself saying, “I can’t afford to buy a shredder!” But money, as always, is just an excuse for something else. Sure, I could save up over several weeks and buy one, but I really needed it - and the income - now. Something besides money was the issue this time. I prayed about it some more.

I recalled that a man at a hardware store once told me: “Why do people buy drills? Not because they need drills. It’s because they need holes.”

Boing! I didn’t really need to own a shredder. I just needed to do some shredding. Lots of people have shredders. I don’t need to own one in order to use one.

Isn’t this true of so many things? While there is some stuff you really do need to own or rent, a lot of things you don’t. I'm blessed with a wonderful roommate/landlady who lets me use everything in her house. That means I don’t need to own many things, from kitchen appliances to home furnishings. The use of her garage has even spared me having to rent storage space.

I believe in a loving Creator of a universe full of goodness. Not shredders or drills or appliances - material things - but ideas for living usefully and happily. Translating those ideas into specific, worldly things may not be easy at first. But by staying calm in the assurance that good is ever-present, staying open to the likelihood that I will perceive a right solution, helps me to see that solution.

Even what we perceive as a need may not be what we actually need. I’m grateful for all the steps I had to take in order to learn that I don’t have to automatically go out and buy something when something breaks. Sometimes that is the right thing to do, but sometimes, maybe more often that we realize, there are alternatives uniquely appropriate for the situation.

It’s likely that sometime in the future I’ll purchase another shredder, but being able to borrow one was what I needed just then. I very quickly located someone who offered theirs for me to use – and assured me I can use it any time.

The shredding is all done now. And I didn’t have to buy anything. I’m grateful for yet another example of already having what I thought I lacked. (Hey, maybe I don’t need “a” job – maybe I just need to be attentive to all the good there is to do, and the infinite supply of ideas with which to do it! But “a” good job would be nice, too.)

No middleman

2006-08-13T22:49:00.000-07:00

I’m holding $100 in my hand right now. Not a long time ago, I wouldn't have known where it came from. Now I do.

As a worker in transition, I’ve felt the crunch of not having regular paychecks lately. But I have bills to pay like everyone else. Money trickles in from little jobs I pick up here and there. I don’t use credit cards any more, but I still have an old balance to pay. But I couldn’t make the payment the other day because I didn’t have enough in my account.

I had some choices. I could hold back and wait to pay the bill till I earned more money, or ask to borrow the money from my roommate. I didn’t like either choice. Borrowing a large a sum of money from my roommate would set a pattern of relying on her for future bills. Likewise, not paying the bill, or paying it late, would mean the company would have reason to raise my interest rate, and naturally I didn’t want that.

I got quiet and was half expecting to hear the divine Accountant’s command, but I was surprised when instead it felt more like infinite Love answered the call. It was just this calm feeling that I had nothing to fear. Hmmm. No numbers. No directions. Just love.

About an hour later, some friends called with a computer problem and asked me if I could come down right away and fix it. You bet!

On my way, I was praying that it would be something I understood and I would be able to fix it and they’d be happy and pay me.

But try as I might, I couldn’t fix the problem. I’m not the Geek Squad! I kept praying.

After getting more information from the couple, we decided to call another tech who had worked on their computer recently. He assured us that he could come back and look at the machine again - his work was still under warranty and there’d be no additional charge.

Afterward, the couple and I talked over some other issues that were troubling them, and I gave them some suggestions they hadn’t thought of yet. They were so grateful for my help, they paid me much more than I would have charged them, paid for my dinner, and gave me an advance on some cat sitting I will be doing for them in the near future. This added up to what I needed to pay the bill. Exactly!

The next day as I was depositing my pay, I found myself wondering if I should make a partial payment that would allow me to keep a little cash in my pocket, or pay the whole thing and be left with zero in the account.

Zero in the account has always been a very scary thing for me. What about gas? What about food? Eeek!

But again, it was not some celestial bean-counter that answered. It was Love assuring me that all is well.

The idea came clearly to pay the entire bill, even if it meant a zero balance. If I had nothing to fall back on, I would have no choice but to trust divine Love to take total care of me.

This broke the assumption that I had to have a job in order to have an income in order to have security. But what if, in fact, the divine supply is always turned on?

Well, in fact, that was the point. I needed to trust God exclusively. I needed to let go of my fear, and trust to Love exclusively.

I paid the bill. This left me with a total of 3 cents in my account.

And amazingly, I don’t feel broke at all. I feel an unexpected joy and freedom.

I’ve never been in this kind of financial situation before. I like it. No middleman bank balance between me and my feeling of security this time. I don’t have any money to speak of, but I also don’t have any outstanding checks, no bills due for several weeks, and a few days before monthly fees would be taken out. Whoopee!

My roommate/landlady assured me she’s not going to kick me out, but other than that, financially I really don’t know what is going to happen next. But for the first time, I’m not afraid.

It’s just Love and me. And no middleman.

For the sake of a proper climax to the story, I’d like to say something exciting happened, but I’d be lying. Right after that, I got two more little jobs. A friend wanted a computer lesson and another wanted help getting groceries and sorting things at her house. Together, that made the $100. And after than, I got two more little jobs. And tomorrow I have another one. And it just keeps coming.

On second look, there’s more good to see.

2006-08-02T23:32:00.000-07:00

Recently I had a job in a law firm for about a month. It was in the most prestigious and refined location I’d ever worked, and at the best pay I’d made in several years. So to quit that job soon after getting it was a surprise and a letdown. My reasons for leaving had more to do with a situation outside the firm itself. There were good reasons behind my leaving and I stand by my decision to do so.

But the suddenness of my departure left me reeling. I felt a bit awkward and embarrassed. I basically wrote off the whole experience, didn’t really talk about it with my friends, and didn’t even want to include the job on my resume -- just get on with something else as quickly as possible.

Then I read Travis’s blog “Life is not a straight line” http://www.spiritonthejob.com/content/view/208/30/ and it reminded me that there are no "throw-away" events in my life. Everything does have value. So I needed to look back at that experience, and redeem it somehow.

I started by remembering I had a lot to be grateful for about it. After all, I did have a pretty good time there. I met some super people and got to contribute to the very valuable work of the attorneys, their secretaries and paralegals. I found out how really generous, gracious and interesting the ones I got to know were. And I was able to share some spiritual comfort with one fellow-worker whose mother had to be admitted to a hospital unexpectedly.

Additionally many times each day, I got to turn my thoughts toward some challenging work situation, affirming silently God’s constant love and care for everyone in the situation. I got to see it improve before my eyes.

More than anything else, I was struck with the fact that everyone was so very nice there. This totally blew away a previously unacknowledged prejudice I’d been harboring that attorneys and their secretaries had to be stuffy and stiff, and intimidating to me. But these were genuinely warm, loving people -- a very pleasant surprise.

But I was not surprised at all to hear that almost all of them were very spiritually-minded people, each actively involved in their own spiritual lives and encouraging their families and each other to develop and live their own spirituality. No one there shared my specific religious background but it didn’t matter. No religious matters were discussed, debated, or even mentioned on the job, but they quietly went about their business expressing the divine qualities of wisdom, grace and soul they privately nurtured. I’m sure this was what made for such a palpably soul-filled work atmosphere.

I got the benefit of being part of that special place, contributing my spirituality to the mix. I wish my fellow-workers all the best, and am now ready to take another step forward on my spiritual journey.

I’m glad I took this second look. This time saw more good.

What does WHATEVER look like?

2006-07-31T16:56:00.000-07:00

Several days ago, I woke with a headache. When it continued for several hours I knew I needed to figure it out. (When something’s not right, I almost always have some spiritual lesson to learn from it.) I've gotten stress headaches when I was working, but I'm not working right now, so what's this all about?

Actually, not having a regular job right now has been very liberating. I feel free to explore new channels of thought. But fear of my financial situation was nagging at me, but I’d been putting off dealing with it.

I often learn lessons from ideas and stories that come to me and what came to me is the Bible story of The Prodigal.

Here’s the gist of the story: A father has two sons, and the younger asks for his inheritance early and then runs off and squanders it all on "riotous living." The older son feels slighted when his father welcomes his repentant younger son home with open arms and throws a big party for him. The father has to assure the older son that it is right to celebrate. They weren't celebrating his departure and mistakes, they were rejoicing in his homecoming. The father also assures the older son that all that they had belongs to him too.

Both brothers were sons of their father, who loved them both. This applies to me too. I have the divine Father-Mother's constant love for me.

Down whatever path all this freedom I feel right now is leading me, I'm still being loved and guided by my divine Parent. In what feels like uncharted territory, I'm confident that God is the navigator. If I'm sincerely listening to the creative and guiding Mind and really trying to follow His direction, then I can count on being benefited. After all, the younger son couldn’t come home and witness this extraordinary act of love by his father if he’d never taken his journey. Wherever my journey is taking me, I can never leave my Father’s presence and care, and I’m confident that I’ll feel His/Her love for me throughout.

And in fact, good things are already happening. My roommate has just assured me I don't have to worry about paying for rent or food for a while. She's glad to have me here anyway. That's sweet, and I'm so grateful! She sees that I am being helpful and that she is not alone with me here. I have a purpose here. I hadn’t really seen that before.

Seems like I kept thinking that “success” or “career” had to look a certain way, but wouldn't it be nice to have a job where you do whatever is needed that day? What variety! What challenge! What adventure! Everyday would be different and new. It might even grow into a career - one that’s helpful, satisfying, and financially rewarding.

When I started thinking along these lines, I saw that there were infinite possibilities I hadn’t seen before. Later, I realized my headache was gone, and I had a whole new concept of what work could be. It can be... whatever! Whatever is needed.

And what should I expect as pay? Same thing. Whatever! Whatever I need.

So, yesterday I spent the whole day helping people. I gave a friend a lesson on how to use her computer, and for another friend I ran errands and made lunch. And they paid me for my work. I am so grateful! And best of all, I loved helping them.

I now know how to go forward. I'll open up to ideas that come to me and see what comes. I’ll do whatever is needed day by day. And I’ll expect to be sustained in whatever ways are real benefit to me, and expect too that I will enjoy the work.

I’ll let you know what Whatever looks like. And what blessings it brings.

Your life speaks. What is it saying?

2006-07-27T23:57:00.000-07:00

The quality of our work, the unselfish motives behind it, and the dignity with which we do it, send a bigger message than our title or job description ever will. Here's a song that expressed this idea for me:

Let the work that I've done speak for me

(African- American Spiritual)

Sung by Joe Carter

Let the work that I’ve done speak for me

When I come to the end of this road

And I lay down this old heavy load

Let the work that I’ve done speak for me

Let the life that I’ve lived speak for me

When I come to the end of this road

And I lay down this old heavy load

Let the life that I’ve lived speak for me

Let the prayers that I’ve prayed speak for me

When I’ve done the very best that I can

And if my friends don’t understand

Let the prayers that I’ve prayed speak for me

Let the love that I’ve shared speak for me

Let the love that I’ve shared Lord speak for me

When I come to the end of this road

And I lay down this old heavy load

Let the life that I’ve lived speak for me

Let the prayers that I’ve prayed speak for me

Let the love that I’ve shared speak for me

To hear this song, click on the link below. Then click on the SOF Playlist. This song is #11 at the bottom of the screen.

http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org/programs/joecarter/index.shtml#musicalscore

Mary Baker Eddy puts this thought this way:

"The objects we pursue and the spirit we manifest
reveal our standpoint, and show what we are winning."

Science and Health p. 239

Take my infinite good – please!

2006-07-24T10:58:00.000-07:00

When out of work, what’s a person who likes to eat, and drive, and pay their bills supposed to do? That’s what I’m asking myself today. I’ve been looking in the classifieds. Pretty depressing. They all want skills or experience I don’t possess. Or else, I'm supposed to drive a paper route - BYOT (Bring your own truck.)

I just want to be of assistance to others. Really! I NEED to be of help to somebody. I need to GIVE.

It’s a lesson I learned a few years back:

I had gotten my ticket for a show that a friend of mine and I were going to. Her ticket was in a lousy location and mine was great. Spontaneously I traded tickets with her insisting that she have the better seat. She was thrilled.

It wasn’t until after she left with the great ticket in hand that I realized what I’d done. I’d traded away my great seat for this lousy one! What was I thinking?!

Okay. I had two hours until the start of the show to get really depressed about it. That was easy. I accomplished that pretty thoroughly in about 20 minutes!

Then I decided to try to think differently about it. And a kind of law popped into my head. It said: If you need something, you need to give something. Hmmm, interesting concept, I thought.

I tried to think what I could give. I was out of town, hadn’t brought anything with me. No extra money. Then I realized I did have something valuable. I had ME! I could DO something. I could volunteer for something.

I went to the event coordinator’s office and asked if I could volunteer for something. They were pleased that I offered, and set me up as an usher at the back door of the event. Okay. This prospect sounded boring, but at least it gave me something I could do.

To my surprise, I actually enjoyed helping to direct the ticket holders to their seats. It was fun greeting people and being of assistance. After a short while, the manager told me I was free to leave my post and go enjoy the show, and I could sit anywhere I wanted. I went in and quickly found a wonderful seat, even better than the one I’d given away. Later I checked back with the ushers, but was no longer needed. I was free to go enjoy. And enjoy, I did.

Later I analyzed why my volunteering experience worked so well as an antidote to my initial fear and disappointment. First, I didn’t volunteer with an ulterior motive of receiving a better ticket or some compensation…except to wash the bitter taste of fear that threatened to spoil my whole day out of my mouth. Instinctively I knew that doing something good and unselfish, makes you feel better. But there was more to it than that.

I think my act of giving was an affirmation that good is not limited, and my giving good to my friend couldn’t deprive me of abundant good for myself. My ability and desire to volunteer was proof of the constant presence of good, unlimited and abundant, even after I thought I’d given it away.

So, even now when I’m looking for my next opportunity for employment, I’m convinced that if I can give something, then some good will have to come of it.

I think I need to make myself a note:

Whenever you’re lacking something,

You need to give something.

So, I’m now giving this little experience of mine to you, and hope it will somehow bless you, too.

Desired position: Cheerleader

2006-07-22T15:44:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am looking for meaningful employment. Seems like I'm almost always working...so during this time of not working I've had welcome time to think. It’s great! I should do this more often. (Think, I mean…Not be unemployed.)

And I’ve come to the conclusion that I don't want to do the same kind of work I've been doing. I've been working in offices for the better part of my working life. Shuffling papers, filing papers, making copies of papers... But I’ve got other skills too, and I'd like to try using them in a larger way in my next job.

I didn't really acknowledge I had unique skills until recently. Or that my skills were really valuable. Well, to me, yes! But are they valuable to other people? I mean, can I get paid for them? …don't know yet.

Frankly, I’ve never put this set of skills on my resume in so many words. What would people think? Would employers really want to hire someone like me? Would doing something that I really like somehow disqualify me for “real” work?

But it’s time for a change…so, I guess I’ll just blurt it out.

The skills I’m talking about are those of being supportive of other people. Sounds trivial, I know, but I think these are very desirable things. And they do make up a large part of my identity. For me, it’s different than being a good schmooser at networking events. More than being sociable at parties. More than being nice and sweet (although I have to admit, I think I am.)

It’s being a cheerleader for people. (Now, put that picture right out of your head… I don’t do pom-poms!)

But when a friend or fellow-worker has a pet project that they’re really into, I naturally find myself rooting for them, encouraging and supporting their efforts. And instantly, their endeavor becomes an important thing in my world too. I want to hear that they’re doing well, and encourage them when they're not. I want to get involved, roll up my sleeves, understand and help them if I can. And this type of thing happens over and over. It just comes naturally for me.

Example: I have a friend who started learning all about investing about a year ago. I knew nothing of investing, and had little interest at that point in doing it myself, but as soon as my friend started talking about how into it he was becoming, I became more interested too. I asked him to explain it to me, and we talked ‘til the wee hours. I listened as he showed me all about his strategies, what he was learning from his successes and his mistakes. When we finally parted at 2:00 am, I encouraged him to keep up the good work, and keep me informed on his progress. Throughout the year, whenever I would think of my friend, I’d bless his investing endeavors. And encourage him in my prayers.

Just the other day, I was elated to hear that one year later, he’s quit his day job and is now supporting his family with his investing. Isn’t that great? How cool is that? His persistent and diligent efforts are paying off. And I feel like I took that journey with him, in some small way. And I enjoyed cheering-on his progress.

I have no way to measure how much help I might have been to him with my long-distance blessings and prayers, but he appreciated my encouragement when he was first starting out, and my delight to hear of his success now that he’s doing well. And the journey has been wonderful for both of us.

This world can seem pretty uncaring. Wouldn’t it be great to have your own personal cheerleader?

Two, Four, Six, Eight,

Who do we APPRECIATE?

You! You! YOU!!

(Well, maybe without all the shouting and jumping around.)

I don’t know what kind of a job I can get doing that, but I’ve had lots of experience. And my friends and co-workers know I care. That’s got to be worth something.

My Deep Gladness

2006-06-01T13:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my last day at a job that has been both joyful and excruciating at the same time.

A lot of prayer went into both taking this job at a copy store and doing my part there. I've learned a lot about myself. And discovered more about the nature of "my deep gladness." It turns out it's simply helping people. It's saying yes, and then figuring out how to get it done. And as I have gotten better at focusing on what really turns me on, I find that I have done my job better and better, even as the workplace continued to be frustrating.

A few examples that proved I was doing my job well include often receiving very generous tips from more-than-satisfied customers - in a field where tips are not the norm. Recently, in one day, three different customers called me "an angel." Seriously! One even asked what my favorite perfume was, and encouraged her grandson to write a school paper about "the angel we met at the copy store" after I pieced back together his seawater-soaked homework after a morning of playing hooky at the beach with grandma.

Last night my fellow employees gave me a great going away party. A cake, a card lovingly signed by everyone, lots of laughing and joking. Lots of hugs. One of our assistant managers wrote a note to me saying, "Thank you so much for all you have taught me. The store has lost one of its best assets. You will be sorely missed." That "asset" is the way I've been expressing the divine quality of Love.

One thing I "taught" him, although I'm not a manager, was that I make it a habit to thank my fellow employees for their good work at the end of each day. Our company never taught him, an assistant manager, to do that. But now he does that more often. He sees that it helps make the employees feel their work is valuable, and is being valued by their employer.

I think I'm on the right track. As I invest thought in my gladness, I'm not being selfish. I think my gladness comes as part of my identity as an expression of divine Love. Denying or belittling the value of it would be denying my own identity. But if my identity is one of countless expressions of the Creator, then denying or belittling myself and "my deep gladness" is like putting down God - and that is not a happy thing to do. In fact, it's probably the source of much unhappiness.

As I accept the value of my gladness, my ability to love (simple as that concept is), the more valuable I become to other individuals in the workplace. I'm looking forward to finding out how I will be of service come this Monday at my new job. One thing is for sure, I will be pursuing "my deep gladness" there too.